loneliness

 

standing alone
in a sea of people
feeling alone
as if no one else is here

wide smile
chatting 
socializing
no cares in the world

engaging
interacting
connecting
laughing

a dull feeling though
grows deeper with each breath
heart pounds
gently shaky

even though
I push it away
it remains
even grows

have I spoken too much
am I laughing too loud
have I shared more than I should
will they think I am too much

how do they perceive me
do they see
what I hope them to see
do they judge

am I overbearing

am I annoying

too different

too anything 

I don’t quite fit in

all my life

this feeling

sneaks up

little does anyone know
I protect my heart
no one would guess
no one would know

for the extrovert that lives in me
the introvert hides too
protecting
quieting
reenergizing

being hurt you see
it creates a shell
every time there is pain
the shell around my heart
it thickens

no one may realize it's there
it's easy to hide it
pretend it doesn't exist
most will never notice

I'd like to break it open
crack it from existence
let people in 
really in

till I am ready though
I stand alone
in a sea of people
feeling the loneliness
as if no one else is here